It's actually happening
“How’s your racehorse going?” asked my friend, Renee one day.
“Oh mate, I have ragrets…” I answered.
Which lovingly spawned the nickname ‘Ragrets’ for my big, gangly fella that came to be called Cucumber.
But then today, nearly a year to the day since I invested $600 of the best dollars in him, we went to our first Horse Trials.
We didn’t place, but as I was cantering around the colourful showjumping sticks, I surprised myself by saying to him “Maaaate, of all the feels today, I did not expect to feel this. You are making this really fun!”…
All the while, flexing my muscles at my 8yo opponents.
And somehow, despite the fact I dyed away the greys – today’s commentator realised I was perhaps a smidge over the median age of the Kyneton Pony Clubbers and loudly announced that I was trying to ‘steal ribbons from kids’…
And look, when you’re an elite sportsperson such as myself, these are the sacrifices we must make.
However, during the next phase – the Cross Country, things began to unravel….
Just as we were approaching the Warm Up Area, Cucumber turned into a kite horse… and as I (voluntarily) hit the eject button, I said to my friend
“My online coach suggests that you should only ride them when they ‘look like a horse you want to ride’…”
“And THIS…this is not that”
“Hmmm yep, that makes sense” she said while artfully avoiding my furry, brown freight train.
A few months ago I would have either bawled my eyes out, bailed completely or bullied myself into riding out of shame (you know, 8 year old opponents and all that).
But today I was pretty zen and thought “Well, I’ve learned some tools lately… Maybe I’ll just give them a whirl”
And off I went, getting glamourously waterskiied around the 8 year olds by my suddenly enormous racehorse that gave not a single fuck about me or my ‘tools’
Bu then, after about 15 minutes of doing the things I said to her… “I don’t think I’ll go out on Cross Country today but I think I should get on him and canter around the Warm Up… He needs to remember how to breathe properly”
So I hoisted up my extremely brave and extremely stained tighty whiteys and got back on… And between doing all the tooly things on the ground, and a few minutes of cantering… I had a horse that was coping with the wild atmosphere pretty well.
Then in a moment of extraordinary bravery, we were called up to the Start Box and aside from a silly technical stop at jump hiding in the shadows, we cruised whole way round our first ever Cross Country course.
It was a really a huge achievement for me.. Learning how keep my emotions in check and how to proactively make the experience a whole lot safer and more enjoyable for the horse.
I didn’t quit and I didn’t cry… but I also didn’t put myself or my horse in a situation that was dangerous or over threshold.
And, you know what?
I think that’s how proper, grown-up problem solving is supposed to happen.
So hip, hip hooooooray for enormous victories that have nothing to do with the official results!
And if you’re wondering, the sorceress with the ’tools’ is my friend Dr Shelley Appleton Calm Willing Confident Horses who has a totally gangsta online course and a rockstar podcast called ‘Canter Therapy’…
Because cantering and breathing… It’s actually a thing!!!
Now…as you know, I seem to enjoy promoting other equestrian clothing brands more than my own so today’s outfit details are as follows:
My cross country top is all the way from the USA and my never-actually-met-friend Crystal at Royal Equine.
About a year ago she thoughtfully sent me this Sugar Skulls sunshirt (because SKULLS hello!?!) but sadly there was waaaay too much junk in my trunk for me to fit into the absurdly optimistic size I requested …so it had to wait for me to run off a few kilos before it could make it’s Australian debut.
And let’s hope she still has them in stock… because I 10/10 recommend, especially if you’re adult enough to order the correct size.
As always, my tighty whiteys come from teQ. In all honesty, they deserve the credit for helping me stay aboard in the unfortunate kiting incident of this afternoon…
And please, I urge you to exercise discretion while observing their stained appearance. It’s not because I lost bowel control but because I have appalling laundering skills.
And finally, I’d like to extend the most enormous squeezy joo-joo for my big, bolshy boy Cucumber… It’s been just over 12 months since he stopped racing… and despite many of those months being filled with ragrets… it was his first ‘proper’ competition today and I feel excited for the future.
For now, I’m off to disrobe and soak my tightey whiteys because I KNOW that’s what you’re supposed to do… I just never have much luck getting all the crap out.
Read the next installment and what happened when we met Lucinda Green by clicking this link.