Ode to Celeste
Challenge Accepted
A few years ago I declared myself a supermodel.
I figured if anyone can go around calling themselves an influencer, then why not adopt the same approach with supermodel-ism?
It all started back in Covid, when we were stuck on the farm for the mandatory 2 weeks in isolation…Which was great, mind you, because we weren’t sick and the local bottle-shop took pity and agreed to do gate drops.
There was only one small problem.
I was due to launch a new business selling re-purposed, high fashion horse feed bags and it meant that neither the photographer or the model were allowed on site.
However, I once modeled* for Vogue when I was 3 years old and Anthony had an iPhone, which meant the crisis was averted.
But after being briefly buoyed by confidence - we soon needed to rely on Google’s ‘High Fashion’ images to get some inspiration.
And from there, we slowly began to build a portfolio in one particular style…
First immortalised by the incomparable Celeste Barber, the Challenge Accepted style of supermodelism is like a conversation between two artists.
Of course, sometimes Anthony would just happen to capture me at exactly the right moment…
Anyway, if you know one thing about me… Let it be this.
I start and finish a LOT of little businesses.
And sadly it didn’t take long for ‘Old Bags’ to end up in the bin.
However, I always try to take a little something from my failures. And my greatest learning was this…
I am fashion.
And like all generous creatives I thought… why not share my gift?
So over the coming months, whenever I opened Sweet Iron Co’s online store - I’d dig deep to produce some truly exquisite art.
And weirdly, as it turns out…
The high fashion folk use a LOT of horses to sell things, which made the job much easier for me.
And even more conveniently - most of these high fashion horses are grey.
Which is a good thing because standing still is my horse’s one and only skill.
And over time - if ever sales were looking grim - I’d just rip off my clothes and start posing.
Because as we all know, sex sells…especially with a banging bod like this 👌
As the months ticked by - it wasn’t long before people came forward to suggest artwork they would like see brought unto the earth.
And this morning, not more than a few hours after Beyonce had released her album cover - I received this thoughtful message from Serena.
And when the opportunity strikes, the days’ appointments must be be cancelled….
So I cleared my desk and busied myself crafting some new pants and a sash.
Within the hour, we had seamlessly re-created Bey’s ‘Carter Cowboy’ with our own interpretation called ‘Chafed Thighs’
Now if you’re the sort of person that really digs this kind of art, then make sure you subscribe below.
Celeste doesn’t know it yet but we’ll probably do a gallery exhibition together one day and you don’t want to miss out.
Also, here on Substack is where I post horsey stuff that beats the hell out doom scrolling on social any day.
You can subscribe here 👇 for free (or pay if you want the super fancy content)…. However, if you hate the words shit and fuck then it’s probably best you don’t 😎
P.S. I legitimately modeled for Vogue…
But now I come to think of it… Is it really modelling if you’re THREE years old?
Isn’t it just taking photos of a kid while they stare at things?
I doubt I would have followed instructions and the only memory I have for the day is bursting into tears at the sheer amount of hairspray they used.
Anyway, cool story bro.
In conclusion, please enjoy this photo demonstrating how hard I worked today to get an accurate representation of Beyonce weirdly holding the rein 👇
